Sweet Child of Mine

[Bayla Naveen]

[Made for Roman Lyons]

Bayla couldn’t understand why they kept this room so damn cold. Even with her long-sleeved off-duty shirt she could feel goosebumps rising along her skin. You’d think they would keep a meeting room for kids and their parents cozy, but no. Not in the military.

She and Roman had been putting in requests to see their children for the last four years - ever since Lyon was born. They’d been put off and put off, denied and told it wasn’t the right time. Though she acted as if she didn’t care - they were in excellent care centers, after all - it was the one side of Unica that didn’t sit well with her. The one thing that now and then, when she thought of holding little Lyon in her arms or having to hand over Jade when she was only a few days old, made her wish she didn’t live in Unica. She never told anyone, of course, not even Roman, who she was sure felt the same; such talk could get you charged with treason.

She didn’t even know her own children, her babies. Lyon was four now, and Jade two, and when they met their parents today they would be complete strangers. Bayla rubbed her arms for warmth and scowled at the blank wall. There wasn’t even a painting on the wall, or toys for the kids, it was just a barren room with a table and a few chairs. A meeting room more meant for military business than kids, and that’s what it was used for most of the time. Its secondary purpose was providing a private space for powereds to meet their offspring… if they’d earned it.

The door opened and Bayla stood from the chair she’d been slouched in, her entire body tense. But it was just Roman who walked in, the processing time for fathers taking longer than the mothers. She didn’t relax, though, her heart was racing. She met his eyes and for a moment forgot to keep up her act, her voice weak and unsure, seeking some sort of reassurance. ”Roman…”

Then the door to the room closed with a click and she was brought back to her senses. Bayla plastered on a smile and forced her body to relax, though her heart was still pounding in her ears. ”Ready to meet our mini-mes?” she asked with a grin, turning away to return to her seat, where she sat with lazy posture and a look that said she hadn’t a care in the world. She was excellent at pretending nothing was wrong.

[Roman Lyons]

Roman felt numb. Was it really time? After all these years? He could hardly believe he was being processed, patted down, given a lecture by a monotone woman about what kinds of things he could and couldn't say--for the sake of his children.

"They have very delicate psychological states, right now, Specialist Lyons, and we can't afford to have a careless word send them back to stage 1." Though his dark eyes met her face, he was hardly listening to her. That small human, that tiny brown-skinned life that he had only been able to look at, separated from Bayla by a glass window, never given the opportunity to reach out and take him or her into his hands, to hold the child he had created with his mate... Lyons had longed for this day for years, and now that it was here, he was numb. He was a husk of a man, a sleepwalking human. He couldn't shake it. Wake up. He wanted to be there with his young ones. He wanted to hold little Jade and rub her back, clap his hand on Lyon's shoulder and tell him to be strong...but he knew too that if he showed up entirely, if he was completely present when he met his children, that he would never want to let them go.

Roman was taken to a door. He entered and saw Bayla. From the way she said his name, he knew she was exactly where he was, if a bit less numb. Then, as surely as she did every time, as quickly as every day, she put up that wall of humor, the safety barrier that had kept the two of them from true intimacy for as long as they'd been mated. There was a deep fear in getting too close, knowing any day they could receive an order to change their mate. Bayla coped with smiles, flippant words, and suppressed emotions. Roman coped by withdrawing.

He didn't respond to her comment. He simply took the chair beside her, his posture stiff, spine straight, eyes set on the wall in front of him. He wasn't as good at pretending as she was...but he was terribly good at shutting down.

Just when Bayla likely thought they'd have to pass their time in rigid silence, Roman's hand shot out towards her, catching the side of her head, and he turned his face and drew her to him in order to plant a hard kiss onto Bayla's forehead. If she fought him he would let go, but if she didn't he would hold her like that, even if it hurt her neck or her back, just to--for a moment--break their facades with something raw. He'd never told her he loved her, and he wasn't sure through all the fear if he did, but...but he was saying something like it with that kiss.

[Bayla Naveen]

In the years they’d been mates, Bayla had grown accustomed to Roman’s silences, even if she wasn’t particularly fond of them at times. This time, his silence bothered her. How could he be quiet, how could he just ignore her, at a time like this? This emotional moment of their lives - of their children’s lives? A flicker of anger welled up within her, and when he sat she crossed her arms and chewed on the inside of her cheek, pointedly ignoring him back.

His sudden movement startled her, and the kiss to her forehead even more. Bayla’s breath was taken away in the moment, and almost instinctively she slowed time down, ignoring the uncomfortable pull the position put on her neck. She knew it wouldn’t last, knew that moments like these - not exactly tender, but vivid with a storm of emotions they both had to constantly hold at bay - couldn’t survive Unican life.

But for now, Bayla slowed time and closed her eyes, and let herself believe for those five seconds that things were okay. They lived in a world where this was normal, where they could see their children every day, could embrace each other and not worry that the next day could rip them apart. A world where they could choose who they loved, where they lived, where they loved. The briefest thought passed through her mind that if they lived in that world, they would not be sharing this moment together - under different circumstances she would never had chosen a man like Roman, so much her opposite.  And she knew he wouldn’t have chosen a woman like her.

But they didn’t live in that world, and Bayla couldn’t slow time forever. Soon - too soon - time returned to normal, with no one the wiser except her, and when he began to loosen his grip she slowly pulled away, at the same time pulling the mask back on. She gave him a crooked grin as she sat back in her chair, though her eyes couldn’t hide the flicker of sadness, ”Getting sentimental on me, Lyons?” she asked, and then she was back to normal, the sadness wiped away and replaced by a mechanical mirth. They were Specialist Naveen and Specialist Lyons again, not Roman and Bayla. They were Unicans again.

In the end, it was always Unica Above All.

[Roman Lyons]

The moment may have lasted for Bayla, but for Roman it was over in a flash, and he was loosening his grip, letting go of one of the only things he wanted to cling to. It was true, the two of them would never had chosen one another if they'd been free to choose who they wanted...and yet, here they were, and she was now his choice, and he was certain that the day would come when they would be separated and told to have another, and when that time came...Lyons would...he would...

Roman returned his arm to his side, withdrawing back to himself, back to his shell, where it was safe, where he could be a stiff and rigid coward of a man and lead a unit but not even put himself out there emotionally. Self preservation would mark the end of intimacy in this society.

"Hardly." Roman didn't look at Bayla, and so he missed the sadness in her eyes. He didn't like looking into her eyes. Those window were too big, too great of reminders that though they were mated, they were separated by an impenetrable wall of glass. It was torture to see the things you couldn't envelop yourself in.

"I'm about ready to get this over with. I have a new Private to welcome to Gamma Base." Roman spoke casually, perhaps with a tinge of irritation, but if they were both speaking the same subliminal language, Bayla would hear the truth behind the words. Romans wasn't irritated, and he didn't want to get this over with. He was scared. He could not help the feeling that he had failed his children. Why? He could hardly say.